Not all dates are created equal.

 

From low-key romance to no chill shenanigans, here are the best and worst romantic date ideas for Valentine’s Day.

10. Triple Date With Your Single Parent

You can’t let your recently divorced father spend Valentine’s Day alone! He’s in a very vulnerable state. So, invite him to be the third wheel – we’re sure your date won’t mind. Dear old Dad can cry into his fourth Cosmo while you two enjoy the prix fixe menu built for 2.

9. Pottery Class

You might be picturing that scene from Ghost, but you’re both fiercely competitive and will end up wishing you could just get high in the kiln room with the teacher.

8. IKEA

Home shopping and a romantic Valentine’s Day date? Two birds, one moderately-priced decorative stone. Nonchalantly pressure your S.O. into finally moving in together (“This bedding set is SO us!”), then seal the deal with some Swedish meatballs.

7. Dumpster Diving

Why pay for some tiny, overpriced meal when you can get the same thing for free from the dumpster behind the restaurant? Added bonus: your date will think you’re uber-environmentally conscious.

6. Couples’ Wax

Favorite massage place already booked up? No worries. Grip each other’s hand while a complete stranger rips your body hair out by the root and inflicts pain upon your tender flesh. Excellent bonding experience. Plus, it will save you from having to shave his back for a few weeks.

5. Do Nothing At All

VALENTINE’S DAY IS A FAKE HOLIDAY INVENTED BY GREEDY CAPITALIST PIGS HELL-BENT ON EXPLOITING THE SANCTITY OF LOVE FOR THE ALL-MIGHTY DOLLAR. And, sweatpants are awesome.

4. Romantic Getaway

Why settle for 1 day of celebrations when you can have a 3-day extravaganza? The forecast for a weekend away with your one and only: excellent chance of champagne-fueled romance, zero chance of awkwardly running into your ex.

3. Row Boat Ride

Cinematic, yet achievable (provided you live near a body of water). Re-enact that magical moonlit scene from The Little Mermaid, sans singing aquatic animals, and kiss the girl.

2. Cook for Your S.O.

A solid romantic date idea. After all, nothing says love quite like a home-cooked meal. And if you burn it to a crisp, there’s always take-out!

1. Candlelit Dinner

An oldie but a goodie. You’ve still got time to call the best restaurant in town and book that little table in the corner!