{"id":15075,"date":"2023-08-02T10:42:56","date_gmt":"2023-08-02T08:42:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.foreo.com\/mysa\/?p=15075"},"modified":"2023-11-16T15:30:43","modified_gmt":"2023-11-16T14:30:43","slug":"before-you-have-sex-with-your-ex-read-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.foreo.com\/mysa\/before-you-have-sex-with-your-ex-read-this\/","title":{"rendered":"Before You Have Sex With Your Ex, Read This"},"content":{"rendered":"

Samantha Jones once said, \u201cSex with an ex can be depressing. If it\u2019s good, you can\u2019t get it anymore. If it\u2019s bad, you just had sex with an ex.\u201d Even the fictional queen of casual sex knew that sex with an ex is complicated, yet <\/span>surveys report<\/span><\/a> that even 44% of people have sex with their ex.<\/span><\/p>\n

In another <\/span>recent survey<\/span><\/a> conducted by LELO, even 37% of single people answered that they have reached out to an ex since the beginning of lockdown.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What\u2019s even more amazing is that a further 50% of single people admit to reigniting a spark with an ex, and even 68% had a <\/span>virtual date<\/span><\/a> with an ex.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Clearly, people have been craving more intimacy. And what better way to get some than by rekindling a spark with someone you already know well in bed?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But before you send that thirst trap to your ex to try and reignite the spark, let\u2019s talk about the actual pros and cons of sex with an ex and what the science says.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The Pros of Having Sex With an Ex<\/h2>\n

The good news is that recently, science has been telling us that sex with an ex might not be as bad of an idea as we might think. In fact, there are quite a few pros of why you might want to indulge in some ex-sex.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Exploring Without The Pressure<\/h3>\n

Research shows<\/span><\/a> that people are willing to try new things when they have sex with an ex after a breakup.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When people engage in sexual activity with an ex-partner, they might be willing to explore new things as a way to show their ex-partners their value or get back together with them, social psychologist and sex researcher Justin Lehmiller says.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He then adds, \u201cAlternatively, perhaps they see it as an <\/span>opportunity to explore fantasies and desires<\/span><\/a> with a comfortable partner without fear of judgment or concern about how it would affect the relationship.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This is a very valid reason, knowing how many people are ashamed of their sexuality and sexual needs as well as lack the communication skills to communicate their needs to their partner, even in a committed relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere are many reasons people don\u2019t talk about sex with their partners, including fear of being shamed, they were socialized to perceive <\/span>talking about sex as taboo<\/span><\/a>, and, for some, there is a lack of socio-cultural scripts surrounding sex, to name a few,\u201d social psychologist and sex researcher David W. Wahl, Ph.D. explains.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When you take away the pressure of your partner breaking up with you for having weird sexual fantasies, you can truly open yourself up for new sexual explorations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And because it\u2019s easier to explore with a partner you already know, then an ex is a perfect candidate for some casual exploration without fear of losing them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If they say no or call you a freak, then who cares? They\u2019re already an ex!<\/span><\/p>\n

A Little Bit of Hedonism Never Hurt Anybody<\/h3>\n

Men report using sex with an ex for hedonistic reasons more often than women. Lehmiller writes, \u201cIn terms of gender differences, men were more likely to say they\u2019d had breakup sex for hedonistic and ambivalent motives.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Men might be onto something here.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPeople find it easier to have a sexual relationship with an ex-lover than with someone new, as friendship and shared history facilitate such activity,\u201d Aaron Ben-Zeev, Ph.D. explains. You already know the gist of it, what you like and what your ex-partner likes, what turns you both on, and which position to use to get you to the finish line fastest.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So why not take advantage of that and ex-sex to get in those few orgasms without much effort until you find somebody new?<\/span><\/p>\n

Show Them What They\u2019re Missing<\/h3>\n

There are many different reasons why people choose to have sex with an ex-partner. One of the reasons, though, is to show them what they\u2019re missing out.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe you\u2019re feeling a little bit bitter about the way your relationship ended; maybe you feel like you want to give them a show one last time before you can move on to better things.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Whatever your reasoning might be, it\u2019s a valid reason to have ex-sex.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In the <\/span>study conducted<\/span><\/a> in 2020, people were given 52 different reasons why they had engaged in breakup sex, and they had to nominate which reasons were important to them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

While the top three answers were \u201csex is fun,\u201d \u201cwant to get back together,\u201d and \u201cmiss sex,\u201d reasons like \u201cclosure,\u201d \u201cshow them what they will be missing,\u201d and \u201cfinal goodbye\u201d was in the top 15 as well.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So, it\u2019s not a rare occurrence for people to have sex with an ex to get over them or show them that it\u2019s their loss.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And honestly, if a little bit of hate sex will help you get over the ex, why not give in and get over it while orgasming on your way to the door?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ex-sex might actually be good for breakup recovery as well. Sometimes it can be difficult to understand why the breakup happened or to keep your self-esteem high after it. Sex with an ex can help deal with those emotions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIn the post-breakup stage of a relationship, maintaining one\u2019s self-esteem is paramount. Sex with an ex can facilitate this healthy stance by enhancing the feeling that the breakup has more to do with incompatibility than inferiority,\u201d Aaron Ben-Zeev, Ph.D. writes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It Will Help You Land a New Relationship<\/h3>\n

Yes, it might sound controversial, but having sex with an ex might be beneficial to land you a new relationship and get more people interested in you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBreakup sex may also be beneficial to the extent that it enhances one\u2019s status and, in turn, increases one\u2019s attractiveness to other potential partners via mate-choice copying (Hill & Buss, 2008),\u201d the study <\/span>claims<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Truly, being unavailable can increase your worth and value in other people\u2019s eyes. And it\u2019s true for all genders, but it is stronger when it comes to women.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The same study explains, \u201cWhen a man is paired with a woman who is labeled as their romantic partner, other women tend to rate that man as more attractive, an effect also known as the desirability enhancement effect (Rodeheffer et al., 2016).\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

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In & Out: Breathing Exercises for Better Sex<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n